Not only is my owner extremely selfish, but she is also a an ardent socialist/feminist; she is very naive when it comes to human nature. In fact, it was her boyfriend who wanted to adopt me; she only got custody of me after they spilt up a few years ago. It is often an imposition for her to let me out in the morning. I know I am a smart dog but even I can't open the steel front door. I would rather live with an owner who celebrated freedom and liberty; my owner sure does not believe in either, which is quite sad at times. Instead, social and economic justice is tantamount to her existence. I once heard her say that the world is full of inequities...well duh, even I know that not all dogs are the same: some are smart, some are dumb.
What bothers me the most is that my owner often neglects me in order to get drunk and carry on with other confused young socialists. It is not unusual for my owner to neglect me for several days while she skirts up and down New York City living a narcissistic life. At times, I go without food and companionship for days; I wish I had an owner who could love and care for me. I wish--just once--I could live like the dogs that I see on television; they have great freedom that only can be achieved in a great country like America...
Here is a picture of me waiting for my owner to come home after a weekend of debauchery:
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